Sep

21

A Guy Walks Into A Bar… (Part 1)

Posted by Christopher Waldrop

September 21, 2007 |

Even though they’re often extremely short, the Draco Tavern stories of Larry Niven are a fun read because, well, they’re entertaining, and they set up the hope that in the distant future when we encounter alien races they’ll want to rub shoulders with us in relaxed social settings. The phrase “go out for a drink” may have to be revised if aliens relax with things like electric shocks or spongecake soaked in cyanide, or something the bartender refers to as “green kryptonite”. And bartender Rick Schumann, the man behind the bar at The Draco Tavern, is almost as entertaining a storyteller as the Chirpsithtra, one of the alien races that frequent the bar. The stories often consider philosophical questions, but it’s “philosophy lite”: they’re usually too short to consider some of the thorny issues they raise in any depth. For instance, the story The Subject Is Closed, deals, briefly, with the question of the afterlife and whether aliens have souls, while in Smut Talk a group of alien races, including humans, discuss attitudes towards sex. Perhaps one of the most memorable and, in these times, disturbing stories is Cruel And Unusual. It response to a crime against one of their species the Chirpsithtra subject the humans involved to a slow and painful execution, letting the punishment fit the crime by making them suffer the same pain and fear their victim suffered. Rick attempts, vainly, to explain to a Chirpsithtra why this was wrong:

“It was terrible publicity. Don’t you see, we don’t do see, we don’t do things like that. We’ve got laws against cruel and unusual punishment.”
“How do you deal with cruel and unusual crimes?”
I shrugged.
“Cruel and unusual crimes require cruel and unusual punishment. You humans lack a sense of proportion, Rick Schumann.”

For Rick Schumann it was a matter of profit: the event forced him to close the Draco Tavern for a while until things cooled off. This gave him a pretty poor perspective, but then we also live in a world where many would take the Chirpsithtra’s side. And, distasteful as it may be, their idea is worth considering. Hopefully if we ever do hang out with aliens, though, we’ll be better able to defend our principles. I’d think that if anything would give us a sense of proportion, and put the need for principles in stark relief, it would be knowing we’re not alone in the universe.

Although originally published in a number of books and science fiction magazines like Analog, all twenty-seven of Niven’s Draco Tavern stories are collected in The Draco Tavern.


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