Nov

16

Take My Advice.

Posted by Christopher Waldrop

November 16, 2007 |

Dear Abby, Dear Abby …
My feet are too long
My hair’s falling out and my rights are all wrong
My friends they all tell me that I’ve no friends at all
Won’t you write me a letter, Won’t you give me a call
Signed Bewildered

Bewildered, Bewildered…
You have no complaint
You are what your are and you ain’t what you ain’t
So listen up Buster, and listen up good
Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood

 -John Prine

For some reason whenever I pick up a paper I go straight to the advice columns. I’ve also been a regular reader of Salon’s Cary Tennis, who regularly offers interesting, if occasionally off-topic, advice, as well as occasional details about his own life. Tennis has even published a book of his best advice columns, but, when it comes to advice, how can you call any single column the best? For that matter, why do people write to advice columnists at all? I can understand looking for confidential, even anonymous advice. Occasionally people seem to go to Tennis or other advice columnists because they have problems they can’t ask their friends about, or they’ve asked their friends and want another opinion. I think there must be more to it, though. I think people must get a certain thrill out of seeing their problems writ large. It must give some a sense of importance to know that their fear of aging or problems with their family are put out there for the whole world to see. And yet personal problems are, well, personal. Can a complete stranger really offer sound advice if all the information they have is in a short letter?

Of course the letter-writers are only half the story. The reason advice columnists Dear Abby and Ann Landers have been around so long, and the reason there are so many others, including “Advice Goddess” Amy Alkon, Carolyn Hax, Amy Dickinson, “Miss Manners” Judith Martin, and one of the few male advice columnist I know of: Nashville’s own “Bitterman”, who can be found in the local weekly All The Rage, is because I think people get a thrill hearing about the problems of others. It can appeal to the best of our nature, eliciting feelings of sympathy and even giving us comfort if we’ve been through something similar, but it can also appeal to the worst: we can laugh at someone else’s cluelessness, and be happy we’re not as bad off. Advice columns have even spawned parodies, such as The Onion’s regular series which includes “Ask That Hindenburg Announcer Guy”, “Ask A High School Student Who Didn’t Do The Required Reading”, and “Ask Someone Who Writes In To Advice Columns”.

The voyeuristic thrill of advice columns is taken to an extreme by Dan Savage, an openly gay writer who gives blunt but usually good advice to people with problems most advice columnists wouldn’t touch. Savage even has a cult following. If you’re in a bad relationship and someone tells you to DTMFA and find someone who’s GGG, you can bet you’re talking to a fan of Savage’s column. Savage doesn’t just limit himself to advice, though. He’s also entered the political arena, covering political events for magazines and, in his own column, made political news, including responding to comments made by Senator Rick Santorum by holding a contest to create a definition for the word “santorum”. The winner was…well, check here if you really want to know. Savage has also written several books, including Skipping Towards Gomorrah: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Pursuit of Happiness in America, and The Kid: What Happened After My Boyfriend and I Decided to Go Get Pregnant, as well as  Savage Love, a collection of his advice.

 As much as I read advice columns, though, I don’t think I’ve ever really been helped by them. It isn’t just that I don’t have most of the problems addressed in them, or even that I think most of the advice offered is so obvious I wonder why the people who sent in their questions didn’t think of it already. I feel that the columns are just entertainment. Is it a bad thing to turn very real people and their very real problems into entertainment? We think of “reality” television as a recent phenomenon, but, the truth is it’s an idea at least as old as the advice column.


Comments

1 Comment so far

  1. Gay Singles » Take My Advice. on November 16, 2007 6:28 am

    [...] Just Write wrote an interesting post today on Take My Advice.Here’s a quick excerpt Dear Abby, Dear Abby … My feet are too long My hair’s falling out and my rights are all wrong My friends they all tell me that I’ve no friends at all Won’t you write me a letter, Won’t you give me a call Signed Bewildered Bewildered, Bewildered… You have no complaint You are what your are and you ain’t what you ain’t So listen up Buster, and listen up good Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood  -John Prine For some reason whenever I pick up a paper I go straight to the advi [...]

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