Mar

31

Book ‘Em: April Fools.

Posted by Christopher Waldrop

March 31, 2008 |

If you or anyone you know is thinking about becoming a stand-up comedian, read I Killed: True Stories Of The Road From America’s Top Comics. Being a comedian seems like it would be a fun job: you get to go out on stage, make people laugh, and you don’t have to worry about knowing how to sing, dance, or even act. You don’t even have to worry what you look like. In fact, looking funny can actually be an asset in the job.

As I Killed reveals, though, doing comedy isn’t always funny. Comedians who are just starting out sometimes have to pay more in air fare and hotel bills than they make for appearing at a club or event because they need the practice and stage time even more than they need the money. And there are true “road comics” who are homeless when they’re not working. Paula Poundstone describes sleeping, or trying to sleep, in the manager’s office above a club where she’s working. And she was one of the luckier ones. Multiple comics have had to run from angry mobs, openly gay comics have been inadvertently hired by racist organizations, and, perhaps most memorably, Chris Rock had to pay a couple of prostitutes a thousand dollars or they were going to make trouble right outside his hotel room. Some other rules include: never try to follow Milton Berle because, no matter how old and frail he seems when he takes the stage, he will tear the place up for at least an hour, don’t make up a name and use it in your act because someone really is named that, and never criticize a woman heckler, or the mother of a mafia boss. Also never bring your parents to your show. There are exceptions, of course. Mark Schiff tells a wonderful, but sad, story about taking his father, who was dying of cancer, to several of his shows. In fact, even though most of the stories are by comedians, it’s surprising how many of them aren’t funny, and apparently aren’t meant to be funny. They’re stories of near scrapes with death, of dealing with psychotic drunks who quickly turn from hecklers to stalkers, of putting up with creepy club owners and having to make a mad dash for the car. Check out the web site for just a taste of what a comedian’s life is like, and also samples of the forthcoming volume 2.

Numerous comedians paid their dues on the road, and acknowledge the help they had climbing the comedy ladder. Sinbad tells the following great story about his own early career and success:

I would go to the Greyhound bus station with no money. I’d look for the bus driver, hoping he might have a kind heart, and try to beg a free ride. I made a little list of everybody who ever helped me. After I made it big, I took every bus driver I could find to dinner.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is class.


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