May

1

Just Friends.

Posted by Christopher Waldrop

May 1, 2008 |

PhotoReading an interview in the Nashville Scene with J.M. Kearns, author of Why Mr. Right Can’t Find You got me thinking. First, as Kearns notes, a lot of the self-help literature out there gives “men very bad press”. It sounds like they give women bad press too. As he says,

There are all these myths out there, and one of them is the myth of destiny or the myth of Sleeping Beauty. It’s the idea that if you raise a finger in your own cause, you’ll never succeed. You must wait passively for the prince to ride to you. But destiny is best honored after the fact.

Kearns reminded me of a self-help book for women called He’s Just Not That In To You. While I don’t disagree with the idea that sometimes relationships don’t work and the only thing to do is move on, I have a problem with the idea of a whole book being devoted to the idea. If someone I know is in a bad relationship and gets dumped, my first instinct wouldn’t be to knock down their self-esteem another notch by handing them a self-help book. It would be to say, “He”—or “She just isn’t that in to you” and bring them a pint of ice cream–specifically Karamel Sutra. There’s an old saying: if you can’t be with the one you love, eat ice cream with your friends until you pass out. And I’d remind them that it was the other person in the relationship who needs a self-help book.

Kearns also says, “You want to at least give yourself a chance to meet new people. It’s hard in our culture.” And he suggests that the important thing is getting out there, adding, “The worst that can happen is maybe you’ll make a friend.”

It’s surprising advice in a world where relationships are, too often, seen as a means to an end, but perhaps looking for friendship rather than a potential spouse–or even to hook up–is a healthier way to approach life. After all, if you do get dumped, a friend’s the one who’ll eat ice cream with you.


Comments

2 Comments so far

  1. patty on May 1, 2008 1:05 pm

    This is a funny entry, and makes a good point. Has anyone ever told you that you should consider becoming a life coach?? Seriously, you’ve got a knack!

  2. Christopher on May 1, 2008 8:57 pm

    Wow, that’s very flattering. No one’s ever suggested it before.

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